I feel like I’ve been sick for-ever!  And I don’t like it.  I don’t think.  No, I don’t like it. Except…

I can remember being a new mom and wishing I could have a horrible illness.  Not one that would make me feel really bad.  Just one bad enough that I’d have to be hospitalized for a few nights.  Maybe in quarantine so people would leave me alone.  Just so I could get some rest.

Now my kids are 15, and I still crave the down time.  Its not that I want to be sick, I just want to slow down.

So, last week I got my sort-of wish.  I was diagnosed with pneumonia.  Not the kind where I was sent to the hospital, but the kind where I was sent to bed.  For five days.  The doctor didn’t say I had to stay in bed for five days, I just couldn’t really do anything else.

The first two days were a Saturday and Sunday, so I don’t really count those.  As a busy mom and teacher, I often “catch up” on my sleep during the weekends.  But I stayed in bed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, too.  Yes, I was DOWN!  And nothing says slow like wearing the same thing for days, not brushing your teeth, and playing epic amounts of Candy Crush.

I also finished listening to a book on tape.  And almost finished a book that I actually read, like real pages and a cover and a bookmark.  And I watched a couple of movies with my son.  And I cuddled my bulldog.  And I slept whenever I wanted.

If I hadn’t felt so crummy, it would have been really nice.

It was also really quiet.  It’s amazing what happens in a house where you are the only one breathing in it.  The lack of big sounds make the little sounds more clear and precious.  The early Spring birds calling.  The click of the furnace turning on.  The stretching of cats.  The sounds of peacefulness.

Another fantasy I like to disappear into is the one where I live on a vineyard or lavender farm.  Live, not work.  I live on a lavender farm, and I spend my days in quiet but productive solitude.  I wake without an alarm.  I eat food from the local market.  I write.  I nap. I am slow and quiet.  And, in the afternoon, my family returns and I sit with them and talk about their days and make a lovely meal, and then they go to bed and it is back to slow and quiet.

I came back to work, yesterday, feeling sick, still, but better.  Healthier than the days before, but better, too.  More patient.  A little slower with myself and my students.  A little less drawn in to the hurricane.

I guess being sick was pretty good for me.  Next time, though, I think I’ll try yoga.